Rant: Toe Cleavage

Ok. So, most of the time there are a lot of things I like about the ways women dress, right down to their shoes. I appreciate a good pair of high heels, especially because I myself am not able to walk in them due to the multitude of fractures in my right foot. I am not a foot fetishist by any means, but I always admire a pair of well-groomed and well-built feet. They are just another part of the glorious female body. So WHY do women encase feet in shoes that do this:



For now we will ignore the combination of taupe with striped pants and focus instead on the thing that horrifies me most - toe cleavage. Apparently some people have a fetish for toe cleavage. I am making that conjecture due to the sorts of pages that turned up on my google image search. I believe that everyone should be allowed to have their fetishes, but this one I do not understand. When I see those toe cracks pointing out from the front of a shoe, all I can envision is the dirt, sweat, and several varieties of fungus that could be brewing in there. Feet are DIRTY. Especially the feet of people who wear sandals or shoes that don't cover the entirety of the foot. That's why people have rough, crusty heels that are cracking and flaking off, possibly oozing some sort of pus if they haven't been washed recently. And it horrifies me.

Honestly, though, I have a problem with this whole picture. First off, you could easily spear and grill a squirrel on the point of this shoe. Actually, you could do two squirrels at once - one on the toe and one on the heel - if you could manage to hold the shoe without burning yourself. And by burning I definitely mean not the lick of the grill flames, but the burning of fungus and possibly an STD contracted by the shoe as it was rubbed over someone's crotch.

Problem #2: Babydoll Shoes



I actually think this style of shoe is pretty cute. EXCEPT WHEN PEOPLE'S STINKY TOE CRACKS ARE HANGING OUT. To me, this is the equivalent of having plumber's crack times four hanging out of your shoes. And honestly, if the plumber took a shower that morning, his hairy buttcrack is probably cleaner than some of these ladies' toe cracks, especially if one of those ladies was using her toes to fondle his unwashed buttcrack the night before.